


when i'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face

by savanting



Series: The Phantoms' Songbook [5]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Loss of Parent(s), One Shot, One Shot Collection, References to Depression, Short One Shot, hints of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:49:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savanting/pseuds/savanting
Summary: On the anniversary of her mother’s death, Julie finds herself being comforted by a ghost who feels all too real. One-Shot.
Relationships: Alex & Julie Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Carlos Molina & Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina & Luke Patterson, Julie Molina & Ray Molina, Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: The Phantoms' Songbook [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1925812
Comments: 1
Kudos: 144





	when i'm gone you'll need love to light the shadows on your face

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the Netflix series _Julie and the Phantoms_.
> 
> I was feeling a bit downtrodden and wanted to write a bit about Julie's loss. The details surrounding Julie's mother's death are very vague in the show, so I tried to keep some of that mystery intact because I don't want this fic to be null-and-void as soon as the story unravels in the show. I have my theories, but I may explore them in fics to come. This one, well, I just wanted to write a sweet scene between Julie and Luke, who are a "comfort" couple to me. I hope you guys enjoy it. 
> 
> The title comes from lyrics in the song “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling.

Julie Molina remembered the day as if it had happened seconds before, bare moments separating her from the fury of pain that had suffused through her. Her mother’s hand, slipping from hers, as tears flooded and overwhelmed. Carlos’s sobs had seemed far away, a distant strain of sound.

Her father’s embrace had only succeeded in making her shake more as she threatened to fall apart.

Her mother’s death came and went as if it were just another second in the multitude of history, but to Julie it would always be a marker of _before_ and _after_.

Before, she had been whole, and after - well, she didn’t know even now.

*

That morning, breakfast was quiet. Carlos picked at his plate of scrambled eggs, and Julie didn’t have much of an appetite either as their father kept sneaking concerned looks at them both. But Ray Molina could be a man of few words, though he was much more intuitive than Julie imagined most fathers were (if TV shows and internet videos were to be believed).

Finally, their father cleared his throat. “I know today is going to be a challenge-”

Julie’s chair scraped back on the floor as she stood abruptly. “I need to take a walk.”

Their father’s face creased with worry. “Julie, I think together as a family we should-”

“I don’t want to talk about this,” she said, feeling a knot of panic tighten in her chest.

Before Carlos or their father could say another word to dissuade or calm her, Julie was out of the room, grabbing her jacket before she fled from the house.

*

Julie didn’t go for a walk, not really, but instead retreated to the studio that had been her mother’s sanctuary long before death had ever darkened their family’s thoughts. She was thankful that the ghosts of Sunset Curve were nowhere to be found, and she buried her face in a pillow on the couch, wishing the noise in her head would settle into a stasis instead of the constant buzz that assailed her senses.

“Julie?”

Her cheeks still wet with tears, Julie jerked up and saw that one of the ghosts had returned: Luke was staring at her with the same kind of worry her father had just shown not long before. Luke’s hand even hovered above her, as if he had been only moments from trying to soothe whatever wrong had been done against her.

But if Luke could have changed a thing, he would have been trying to alter his own fate instead. The band still had their unfinished business to settle, and they were no closer to figuring out the details than they had been when they first arrived in her mother’s studio.

Julie might have tried to save face any other day, wiping away the traces of tears before he could decipher their meaning, but she was already too tired despite the early hour. Her mother’s face kept blinking in and out of Julie’s head, a blaring siren in her brain telling her that nothing would ever be all right, ever again.

Julie thought she had gotten better, especially since the boys of Sunset Curve had come into her life, but she knew now that she had just been fooling herself. Distracting herself. Lying to herself. Every single day.

For perhaps the first time, Julie reached out and felt relief when she grasped onto Luke’s hand. Her connection to the ghosts had deepened enough, or perhaps strengthened enough, that she could now touch them as if they too were still corporeal beings. She swallowed, relishing the breath of fresh air and the loosening of the tightness in her chest. “Can you sit with me? Just for a little bit?”

Almost immediately Luke complied, as if he were a genie under her very command. Perhaps he was stunned that she had even bridged the gap between them in the first place. Or perhaps he was just the kind of boy who weakened under the gaze of a girl who was clearly hurting. Either way, Julie was grateful.

“Did something happen?” Luke asked, his hand still gripped in Julie’s, and she imagined it was even warm and smooth with only the barest hint of calluses from Luke’s guitar work. Julie just stared down at their joined hands and wondered if she could find the will to hold back all that she wanted to say.

Then, softer, Luke said, “You can tell me anything, Jules, you know that.”

It finally came out all in a hushed rush: “My mom died a year ago today.”

Julie didn’t see the surprise on Luke’s face, but she felt the tension in the way his hand gripped hers more tightly. Then, a breath later, he had released her hand - only to place that hand on her shoulder and pull her in for a loose hug.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I had no idea.”

Julie was so startled that she let out a soft burst of laughter. “I didn’t exactly want to rain on your guys’ parade.” She sniffled and immediately hated herself for sounding so lame. “I mean, you were getting ready for our next show, and you were so excited for it and-”

“Julie, you can’t bottle stuff up like this,” he said. “There’s no telling what can happen if you do.”

Julie just shook her head. “I talked to a therapist for a while after - after it happened,” she said, “but all of it seemed so useless. I just wanted to lie in bed all day for weeks afterward.”

Luke rubbed circles into her back, and she felt soothed in spite of herself. “You have to do what feels right for you,” he said, “no matter what anyone says.”

A soft sigh escaped her lips. “I know,” she said, “but it’s still hard.”

“Don’t I know it,” Luke said. He pulled away to look at her. “I know this isn’t about me, but I just want you to know that I do understand. There’s a lot more to process about being a ghost than you might think.”

“At least you have Reggie and Alex,” she said.

“At least we have _you_ ,” he made a point to stress. “You remind us every day just how precious life is. And, for whatever reason, we’re lucky to have a second chance to live out our dreams, even if it’s only temporary.”

In her deepest heart of hearts, Julie didn’t want to think of that: what would she do if her phantoms left her? But she pushed that thought away. _No. They’re still here. They’re not going to leave just like that._

After the loss of her mother, Julie didn’t know how much more loss she could take.

“I’m glad I have you guys,” she said, her voice soft, as if it were a confession. Julie wasn’t the most emotional person, but her phantoms - but especially Luke - made her feelings seep out like a wave crashing through a weak barricade.

“And we’re glad to have you,” Luke said. Then he was quiet for a beat before saying, “ _I’m_ glad to have you.”

Julie smiled. She wouldn’t have her mother back, and she would have to say goodbye to her phantoms someday in the future, but today she was thankful for what she still had.

Joy would have to win out over sadness and rule the day.


End file.
